Saturday, May 3, 2014

I Had Sex With My Girlfriend's Mom

I Had Sex With My Girlfriend's Mom

First off, please hold all judgments to the end of the post.   As I am typing this I can just imagine the thoughts and dissent that a title like this one can immediately bring in the minds of many.  I am very confident though, that at the conclusion of this post, you may just get a laugh out of the whole thing, as I know I did.

This morning like many before it, I awoke to the peaceful and restfulness that a good nights sleep brings.  Even more so when the person you care about is right there next to you.
As I awoke to the sounds of my other half climbing out of bed to turn on the coffee maker, which she always sets up the night before might I add, she seemed upset.  My eyes opening to the new day and I felt very much at peace with the world, as the smell of fresh coffee fills the small apartment with its delicious aroma..... Then it comes!

"You have no idea what kind of trouble you are in!"

Now as I am not even fully awake yet, I immediately go into panic mode, as I try to think of anything I might have done to bring on this morning fury.  After all I was thinking, as was my body,  of a different start to this beautiful Saturday.  So as many people in this situation may do, I blurt out "What the heck did I do now?"  And the answer that I got was not the one I was prepared for.

Being the "unmarried", outdoor loving, firearm tote-in, fish catching, sportsman that I am.  I have been known to be a little messy from time to time.  I sometimes get into projects around the house, leaving bits and pieces here and there, as I try to finish up what ever I am working on. Put that together with a small attention span and there may be times that I can frustrate the heck out of anyone that decides to grace me with their presence.  My girlfriend has had to replaced her "special kitchen scissors"  more than once. I had either ruined them or misplaced them.

I have been known to leave a few dishes in the sink from time to time, but I was sure that was not the issue as I did not cook anything the day before.  Besides, the few that were there she cleaned the night before as I recalled.

Was it the dirty laundry that sometimes gets tossed as close to the hamper as possible, but does not quite make it in?  In the past, if she was bothered by it, she has been known to separated and stuff into the hamper for me.  I look to find the floor relatively clean and free from dirty laundry.
It did not take her long after my a for mentioned question to get to the answer.

"How dare you sleep with my mother"
"What", I exclaimed!

Then she proceeded to explain to me that she had a dream, in which she was off doing something and I of course ended up intertwined with her mother.  Now my first unfortunate mistake, upon hearing this, was to bust out laughing.
Once I settled down, I must admit, I was curious and intrigued.  So my second mistake was to ask her  "Is she hot"?

You see I have not yet had the chance to meet her mother as she lives out of state.  As far as I can recall,  I have not even seen a picture of her.  Looking back, that might not have been the best question to blurt out under the circumstances.

I think the straw that broke the camels back though, was when I asked her "Do you think she enjoyed it?"
Again in hindsight, might not have been the best question to ask.  Even before the words left my lips she warned me to be careful, as she could tell I was about to speak and most likely ask her a question.... She knows me to well!

But in the end, it was after all just a dream.  She knows I would never do a thing like that.  Just as I know, there are parts of me that would never be safe in this world again, if anything remotely close to something like this occurred.  She is without a doubt the one I love to wake up next to.  One thing I'm sure about though, I am in no hurry to meet her mother!